Quit or Quiet?

headphoneAs I sit at this ridiculous desk, uncomfortable as ever, the stress in my arms building from the uncomfortable angle of the keyboard. The only thing I can focus on is getting up and quitting this job. I’ve written my resignation letter multiple times now, even saved it on my desktop hoping that one day my boss might stumble upon it. I can imagine the shocked look on his face as his eyes roll from word to word stumbling along in disbelief. I would give anything to not be here working on these redundant tasks I call work. They prove to get me nowhere closer to an end goal. It’s not only the desk that makes my bones ache, but the sounds from my neighbor make my skin crawl with irritation.

There is still a positive light in all this frustration, I have music to keep me company. I change my focus from work to searching for the perfect sound of today, how am I feeling, what will keep me motivated and concentrated. I unravel the tangled knot of the headphones and shove them in my ears, instantly they muffle the world. The silenced sound around me is enough to calm me down. The first note hits and the stress begins to melt away, I can finally relax and not think about everything in the room. I still hear muffled sounds but the deafening music helps keep them out, no longer do I listen to my co worker pounding her thick fingers against her keyboard, chewing what I can only assume to be the most burnt piece of toast, even the sounds of her writing is loud. Everything is flattened now and I can finally focus on my own work.

I’ve lost my focus, the phone is ringing and I am now running around the office trying to get monkeys to understand math…

 

(This is rather incomplete and note very well edited. But its been sitting for months now so i posted it anyway.)

NK

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One Thousand Eight Hundred 26

intersection-cars-traffic-new-york-ss-1920“I’m going to walk to the electronics store to buy a new phone” Stephanie related, she had finally decided to purchase the phone she had her eye on for some time now. This had been a continuous conversation for us over the past few months, since her old phone crapped all of sudden.  She would have purchased it a while back, but I always convince her to wait. Until today when I agreed she could satisfy her desire.

“That is fine, I am going to stay here, relax and read my book.” She scampered off and I subdued the word with my headphones. I sat engrossed in the world of Gatsby, enjoying my now stale coffee.

As I flipped the pages, a feeling of uncertainty fell upon my thoughts, as if something were telling me to accompany Steph on her walk. The feeling grew increasingly loud encumbering my train of thought and overwhelming my every sense. Although I tried I couldn’t remove this feeling from my subconscious, no matter how much I interject. I gathered my stuff, took one last sip of the stagnant coffee, and darted out the door.

At this point Steph had to have been in the lead a city block or so, just about ready to venture across the street. I hesitated phoning, as not to distract her from the traffic. However my anticipation persisted, after much resistance I dialed her number. This sense inside urging me to check on her as she walked in front of me.

“Hey Babe, it’s me. Where are you at?” I asked cautiously.
“I’m in front of the store, why?”

I explained, “I’ll be there shortly to walk with you back. I love you see you in a min.” I remember feeling an enlightening relief knowing she had made it there safely proving that this sensation was unnecessary.

Sometimes I have this internal feeling about situations, a large amount of the time they will make life better, but other times they would prove to create unnecessary stress. I can most of the time push it aside and break through whatever has me concerned. However, I had recently decided this was not the best practice. If I were to place a time on it, I’d say it was a little over a year ago that I decided to stop ignoring this urge and rather embrace it as……as an internal guide, of sorts. A sense of the force, as my father would call it.  He was big into Star Wars, and believes things happen for a reason. His theory was always follow your instincts, go with the flow.  

As I eagerly rushed to catch Steph, I came to the street that originally had worried me about her journey. I waited two or three minutes while the cars flew by,  an entire herd of them charged forward from the green light. It changed from Green, to yellow, then red. Red meant go for me…the pedestrian jaywalking four lanes of traffic.. Left, then right, then left again. All clear I said to myself as I stepped onto the hot asphalt. Halfway into my venture I notice my phone vibrating against my leg, as I scrambled into my pocket to retrieve it I paused on the median. A number I had never seen before.

“Hello”….I answered while continuing my crossing. 
“Yes Hello! this is unknown name, calling from, some bullshit company.” the phone goes quiet…Telemarketer…

Before I could bark to “remove my number from the calling list” I felt the impact…

I can only speculate the unknown caller had their eardrum blown as the Toyota Prius smashed us both into the asphalt. Telemarketer and myself being hurled from the bumper of the vehicle as the driver smashed her decrepit foot into the brake pedal. I laid there on the hot ground peering at the shattered lite of my phone screen as my eyes faded into a blurry tunnel darkness. The bystanders at the Starbucks gasped in horror. None of them quite sure how to react, I could hear them on repeat “somebody call 911.” as if no one had done so yet. I tried to look at them but couldn’t gather the strength to open my eyes.

I crossed this street regularly, it was my morning ritual, break at 10am, go get coffee. Five years, one thousand eight hundred and twenty five days. Minus weekends, sick days, PTO, and the rare occasion when I chose not to drink coffee. The last thing I remember hearing was the voice of an elderly woman exclaiming “I’ll call you back” She smashed the End button and began to dial 911…as if she still had not put one and two together, that phone was the reason for this whole incident..

One thousand eight hundred twenty six would be the final day I crossed this street.

 

NK
Constructive criticism appreciated!

Nothing Special, Really.

Nothing special really, recently found myself wanting to write. Maybe share some stories, maybe write some stories, maybe…

So here we are at the first entry, I will try to write regularly but may fall off the face of the earth.  I forewarn you that this is not my forte. I am a meager man at writing, if that… English may as well be a second language to me, seeing as I have never finished a California approved English class with anything more than a D grade.

With that said, expect nothing special, really..

NK